i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You did what with his pubic hair?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
