a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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