Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
