I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
