I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
