This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
