Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize