Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
