my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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