you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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