Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
