A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
