the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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