More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
