so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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