you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
