So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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