2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
