I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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