i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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