and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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