he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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