ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
