So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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