Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
