then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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