I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
