I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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