I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
someone owes me an orgasm
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
