i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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