All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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