I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it's like heaven, but drunker
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
