I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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