u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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