if you like me you must not know who I am
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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