So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
