You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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