I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
