We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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