I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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