why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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