Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
