Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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