BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
