Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
