i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
