great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
