Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize