working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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