Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
