She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was born a porn star she said
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
