after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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