Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
