I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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