Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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