Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
