dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I had to cum in my sink.
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