Well apparently he's into motor boating.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
