kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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