remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
