between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When did angry sex become our thing?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize