This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just pee around me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
