And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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