guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
