So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
