I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
