her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
