So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
