How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
