He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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