You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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