You work out of a Hotel?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
