I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize