I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
