Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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