I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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